It shook me. I didn't think it would, but it did. It shook me because of the dreams I had about her. I dreamt that I laid hands on her and the next time I saw her, she had long beautiful hair and she was happy. Tuesday night I dreamed that I went to see her and she was near death and everyone had given up on her. Her mother asked me to help her prepare thank you cards for all the people who came by to see her. But I prayed for her again and she got up and went to the bathroom and everyone was shocked at her recovery. She died Wednesday. I'm having trouble dealing with this because of what the Word of God says. ..."they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover." I expected her to recover. I expected to have lunch with her next week. I thought I was hearing from God. I thought I understood what was to happen here. Maybe my faith isn't as strong in what I believe as I thought. I know God is real. I know Jesus died for my sins and that through his sacrifice I am saved. But the Bible also says "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..." and I'm starting to believe that all I don't know about God is becoming a problem for me. I need to go deeper into God because I'm tired of losing these battles. And yes, I know that if she wanted to die, there is NO amount of prayers that would keep her from running to Jesus. I can't blame her. I want to get to him myself. I will use this to get closer to him. The pain I'm experiencing now only he can heal. My friend is at peace now and I can rejoice in that. But it still hurts. But God is my healer. God is my peace. I seek deeper in God now.
I let this sit for a while before posting it. God sent someone (a Pastor) to minister to me that had a similar experience. It hit him so hard that he quit the ministry for seven years. So I guess I can admit now that I seriously considered walking away from Gospel music and just playing jazz. I felt like everything I was doing was a lie. The Bible says that the kingdom of Heaven is not in word, but in power. And I didn't have any power. How could I go on getting up in front of people singing about the love and power of God when I didn't have any????
What I have since learned is that I this was a Job experience for me. I'm not God. I thought that God was being unfair or that I was somehow being deceived. But God's view of life is NOTHING like what I see. His vision extends beyond anything that I can comprehend at this point in my existence. Life doesn't operate on my terms and I have to learn to trust God even when I can't see anything but darkness... when I don't understand the soul quaking pain pain or the suffocating fear, I have to trust God. I have to learn to let go of my humanity, because I'm not simply human anyway. The children of God are not. We are spirits encased in flesh.
I saw a movie a few weeks ago that spoke about how learning the language of an alien race would change our view of life. And it hit me that the more I learn God's language the more I will see the life like he does. If I learn to speak and think like God (RENEWING MY MIND) my entire view of everything will change. So again... I seek deeper in God now.
Curtis W. Hurley
I let this sit for a while before posting it. God sent someone (a Pastor) to minister to me that had a similar experience. It hit him so hard that he quit the ministry for seven years. So I guess I can admit now that I seriously considered walking away from Gospel music and just playing jazz. I felt like everything I was doing was a lie. The Bible says that the kingdom of Heaven is not in word, but in power. And I didn't have any power. How could I go on getting up in front of people singing about the love and power of God when I didn't have any????
What I have since learned is that I this was a Job experience for me. I'm not God. I thought that God was being unfair or that I was somehow being deceived. But God's view of life is NOTHING like what I see. His vision extends beyond anything that I can comprehend at this point in my existence. Life doesn't operate on my terms and I have to learn to trust God even when I can't see anything but darkness... when I don't understand the soul quaking pain pain or the suffocating fear, I have to trust God. I have to learn to let go of my humanity, because I'm not simply human anyway. The children of God are not. We are spirits encased in flesh.
I saw a movie a few weeks ago that spoke about how learning the language of an alien race would change our view of life. And it hit me that the more I learn God's language the more I will see the life like he does. If I learn to speak and think like God (RENEWING MY MIND) my entire view of everything will change. So again... I seek deeper in God now.
Curtis W. Hurley
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