AnyWay

Not sure if what I was trying to say at the beginning of this came through clearly.  When I watch it, it makes sense to me because I know what was in my head when I was talking.  But with computers recording and camera's rolling, I'm still not sure if it came out of my mouth the right way.  So here goes...

I wanted a particular sound or "feeling" for a song.  I prayed about what I wanted and I expected to get a melody or some words from God.  What he showed me was a quick flash of an image in my spirit one day - a left arm with a nail sticking of the hand.  It was so fast that I didn't really pay attention to it, but it wouldn't leave my mind.  One day, I got quiet and I realized that this was the crucifixion - but from Christ's point of view as he was hanging on that cross... dying.  At that point I stopped thinking about everything and just allowed the imagery to flow through my mind.

What I saw was the soldiers picking the cross up after they had nailed him to it and dropping it in a hole so that it would stand up.  The cross hit the bottom of the hole hard and when it did, his body jerked against those nails - making him close his eyes in agony.  When he opened his eyes again, he saw all of the rage and hatred and disdain that the people gazed upon him with.

What welled up in his heart was the love he had for all of us...  the pity because he knew we didn't understand what we were doing.

One of the things that exploded in my spirit at the end of all of this was that if Christ HAD to die twice to save us, he would have.  He did all of what he had to do.  He was abandoned, beaten, humiliated and cloaked in sin and death - just so we wouldn't have to be.  He took on ALL the requirements of salvation for us.  And if that meant going through that more than once... he would have done that too.  And even though there are many who would never accept his sacrifice, he died for them as well just so that they would have the chance of eternal life with God.  He died for them Anyway...

Your hate, your rage

your disdain for me

Cannot deter why I came you see

Rejection loud and clear, 

you do not want me here

But I came to die for you 

Anyway

This Cross.  These nails

These thorns upon my head

Cold eyes. Cruel hearts

Inside? Bones of the dead

Rejection loud and clear, 

you do not want me here

But I came to die for you 

Anyway

I know there are some 

Who will never accept me

Their frozen hearts 

Will never see the truth

Their souls swim in lies 

So they reject me

But I came to give my life

For them too

They taunt.  They tease

Angry eyes so cruel

Father forgive them

For they know not what they do

This hurt.  This pain

And all that I've been through

I'd do it all again

If I had to

Hard to do this song without blubbering like a child, but I see this so clearly every time I sing it.  Its like I'm standing there watching him suffer.  Its hard to experience each time. The director (Donald Wilson) cut out the parts where I lost it.  But its just real to me. God is good... all the time.

Curt

Livin' this dream!

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